Throughout my life, I have learned that often times love is a journey. It is not always easy or rewarding. It is a deliberate decision. Love, in its most honest form, is a challenge. I am considering those relationships in my life that are not always the easiest. In today’s refection, D’Arcy talks about her relationship with her dad and about how coming to a place of true love with him was a journey.
“For a period of time before my father’s death, I committed myself to a weekly practice. Our relationship had always been uneasy, but I wanted to reach a place of love within myself-whether or not he and I would ever reach an understanding. So I began driving to see him once a week, trying to open my heart. As I drove, I gently remembered the rejections and confusing series of memories that had been our relationship. The drive took me an hour. Halfway there, I opened the widows and let the memories go. In the remaining minutes, I consciously filled the car with hope and love” (D’Arcy).
This particular reflection really resonated with me because I have been in that place in my life. If I am honest, I am still at that place in my life. I have any number of relationships that are yearning to be healed. Not for the sake of the other person but for my own well-being. Anger and resentment can eat a person alive. They take up so much space that they leave little room for anything life giving. Often times I don’t want to forgive because I want to make the other person suffer for what they have done but the fact is that usually I am the only one suffering. It’s difficult for me to even imagine how incredible my life would be if I were able to completely and honestly let go of all of the negative energy I have. Even if I drove from here to California and made a conscious choice to release all of that tension I don’t think the drive would be long enough. I have some deep rooted resentments in my life that I will not go into in a public blog but God knows what they are and this Advent, I hope He can help me to let all of those feelings go. I want to make the decision to fill my heart with love and joy and push out the darkness.
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